Saturday, July 18, 2015

Fast Forward.

Totally unable to sleep tonight.
It's kind of a mix of scary lightening mixed with caffeinated beverages, & a mosh of thoughts about the whirlwind that is totally my life right now.

Here's what you missed:

I really needed a change. I was burned out. And I was sensing that my soul was ready for something, anything really to change. Sometimes you just know when a chapter is closing.
So I started knocking on some doors to see what was going to open.

I did a number of interviews. [I also ate Altoids.]

Was offered a few jobs. Was denied a few jobs I thought I was perfect for. Turned down a few jobs that other people told me I should take. It was all very chaotic & messy. Filled with all the details no one really cares about. In the end, I accepted an amazing job that was best for my family & brought me to a better place emotionally & spiritually.

In the midst of job changes, there was so much else keeping me busy.
Being a mom. Which I tell you, gets more complicated by the year. My kids who normally get along like best friends have suddenly started fighting like cats & dogs. [Don't let the picture fool you.]

Part of me now understands how my brother & I drove my mom so bonkers on a consistent basis.

Sorry about that Mom,
But if it's any consolation, that whole "I hope you have children who act just like you!" wish really did come true.
Thankfully they still have their sweet moments though:)
And of course I soak all of that up.

We celebrated my nephew turning one year old!

The next weekend we celebrated my niece turning one!

My sister graduated nursing school. So the next weekend we got together [AGAIN. Good thing I love my family & a good reason to party down.] and we toasted my sister, who killed herself in school to become the awesome nurse she is. I'm so proud of Mikayla for working so hard to accomplish her goals while working full time & having a baby. AH. MAY. ZING.

Not to be out done by her Auntie, Addison graduated preschool.

Trevor & I celebrated NINE YEARS of marriage this year. Holy Smokes. I still cannot believe that.

People keep asking me if we've figured out what we will do to celebrate our 10th Anniversary. I keep imagining a big cruise ship & a fruity cocktail in my hand. It's tough to plan a trip right now. If there's anything I have learned these past few years, it's how much life can change in only a few months! I keep telling myself it's okay not to have all the answers. Heck, I'd feel better if I knew where I put my keys half the time.
Either way. 9 years together. Is something I truly am really proud of. I love this man.
And I love that on our exact anniversary day Trevor agrees to let me get the camera out & snap away. Looking back on these May 20th days is slightly humorous, terrifying, and humbling.
Thanks for marrying me Trev. You hold this whole thing together. I'm so grateful for all you give to us.

Needless to say, I was partied out. [Not true.]
I needed a vacation. Enter a week with my bestie.

Krista brought me to my first drive in movie [it was on my bucket list] and it was a great week of pedicures, pool time, and desperately needed girl talk. It was the peace in the midst of all the chaos that I needed. Thank you friends. I miss you already.
On the trip home from vacation, an offer came in on our home for nearly our full asking price. Our realtor had been preparing us that houses in small towns typically sit on the market for a while. So we were blown away by the quick offer and that they wanted to close in a few weeks time.
Forget the fact my husband had no solid job leads, we had no where to live, and I was starting a new job while working my old job & packing a house all at the same time.
You idiot.
To make it worse, I was in complete denial. I couldn't pack a single box. It just didn't feel real.
From the moment I signed the seller's agreement, I went numb.
And distracted myself with life. Which believe me is easy to do.

First there was my bestie's birthday & a weekend at the lake :)
Priorities people!
I was not going to miss this!

We celebrated my Parker's 4th birthday!

Before I even knew what was happening, my Great Uncle Warren passed away. Attending his wake with my family, I was reminded to keep focused on the important things in life.
Later that night at dinner with my Aunties, as they sat across the table from me asking me questions about my new job & selling my home, I realized talking about our future plans just how many holes still needed to be filled.
My Mom & my Aunts reminded me that night of how the Lord is good & faithful.
I'm glad I have a Mom & Aunties who love & serve Jesus.

A few more days went by when I got the call that my Grandpa Doug had also passed away.
I didn't even know what to think by this point. The moving truck was coming in just a few days. Head spinning how I was going to make this all work.
Knowing I needed to figure it out & be there for my step-mom.
Nothing else really mattered at that point.
My step-mom posted the obituary that her Dad had requested she write the following day in their local newspaper. None of us could have expected the national response it would get.
With great humor & a humble heart, my Grandpa's obituary went viral. Being posted on national news like USA Today, The Huffington Post, and Good Morning America.
Celebrating his life at the memorial service, I remembered to keep a sense of humor about everything. Most importantly, to laugh at myself.
Oh Grandpa Doug, I will miss you terribly.
Addison made the 6 hour trip with me to the service while Trevor & Parker stayed behind to pack more boxes.
It felt surreal to be saying goodbye to so much.
My Step-Mom Janet couldn't believe we had come with everything going on with the move.
I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.
We headed home later that night.
The moving truck & our moving crew pulled into our driveway at 8 a.m. the next morning.
I couldn't believe we got it all in that truck! It literally almost did not fit. Trevor blamed all of my shoes. He can hate a lot of things. Just not the shoes honey!
The fact that my family spent their 4th of July helping me move in the humid 90 degree weather & drove in all that crazy lake traffic, just makes me so thankful for all of their support. I'm pretty sure I owe them all a steak dinner & a donated kidney if they ever need one.
We did take a few breaks to be festive - fireworks, a BBQ, & a parade is required.
All work & no play makes for crabby movers.
The moving truck pulled away with everything I own inside it. Headed to a storage unit since I still am completely clueless where exactly we will end up. [Though we have a few ideas....]
The next few days we spent sleeping on air mattresses, cooking with the microwave, as I had a final few days left at my old job. We said goodbye to our neighbors [who we love like family] our friends, and my grandparents who still live in the area. [That was the hardest goodbye.....]
We said goodbye to our beach, our park, the trail Cooper & I walked on every day, and the house we made so many good memories in.
I said goodbye to my old job.
And goodbye to 7 inches of hair.
As I firmly believe in my own personal motto:
Change your life.
Change your hair.
As we drove out of our small town, I didn't shed a single tear.
Which is probably one way to know that it was time to say goodbye.
As normally moments like this draw out tears & emotions I didn't even realize I had.
But this move was so different. No tears. No fear of what's coming next.
Sometimes I still feel completely numb.
Other days I mostly just get excited.

We still have so much to figure out & when I start thinking about it, I get to be a cranky pants.
As a whole, it's just a lot.
Where to live. Where to send the kids to school. Where Trevor will work.
I'm trying to take it one day, one decision at a time.
Knowing that as long as my family is healthy & together, we will make it.
I was so relieved to finally sign our closing documents.
Looking back we were just starting our family when we bought that house......

Selling it was enormously satisfying & a chapter of my life I was ready to say goodbye to.
WHAT A COMPLETE TORNADO these past 2 months have been!
Putting it all together right now, makes me understand why I feel such a deep exhaustion in my bones.
As I started to make plans with Trevor about places we needed to go check out this week, we got another life changing phone call.
The "C" word.
Grandpa said it so plainly, I almost didn't believe him when he said it.
Cancer. My Grandpa - who I love dearly & am very close to - has cancer.
Finding out the biopsy results after I had moved.
Almost as if he planned it that way.
Sneaky little devil.
He knows I never would have moved if I would have known he had cancer.
But he insisted I go & do the right thing for my family.
I don't know what to think.
It's hard not to be there with him.
Holding his hand.
I should be there. Why am I not there?!
I'm wrestling between confusion & guilt.
Trying to adjust to what this new reality will mean for my Grandpa.

I cannot decide which way is up or down.
Or where my head is at.
Trying to figure out so much change & major life decisions.
Well. I don't know.
It's all pretty overwhelming. Bittersweet. Sadly happy.
If I could ask you to pray for anything, pray for Grandpa.
Pray for my Grams.
Pray for my kids as they continue to adjust.
Pray for guidance for my husband & doors to open.
Though life seems to be moving as fast as I have ever felt it move, a strange peace surrounds it all.
It's knowing that my God is good. And faithful.
And that I am His.
No matter where I am.

Thanks for reading faithful Internet friends.
I've missed you all!