"So how old are you? Can I ask?"
"Well...." [I nervously laughed.]
"I'll be 30 this week."
"30?! I want a glass of whatever it is you are drinking!"
His name was Paul.
He was on the next green over from ours as my Dad & I sat out on the driving range.
Crushing yellow neon balls.
Appreciating a little stillness & silence that a golf course offers.
Getting blisters so large on my thumbs, I swear my hands may or may not fall off.
He was a little old man who was watching my swing.
And told me what a natural I was at driving the ball......
Apparently Paul didn't see the several whiffs I took earlier that day.
Or the large wrinkle I get in my forehead as I attempt to take out life's frustrations on these tiny little golf balls.
My Dad always tells me that there's good crazy & bad crazy.
And Paul was the good kind of crazy.
Good thing my Dad, the retired cop was there. Because if Paul was the bad crazy, I have no doubt my Dad was more than likely carrying some type of automatic weapon in his golf bag.
Paul sure had a lot to say.
"I couldn't help but to walk over here. You have such a positive energy flowing from you. Do you ever get a good read on people?"
"Yes sir." I said.
"I believe one of God's gifts each of us with something. I guess for me I think that is discernment. I just wish I could learn to trust it more."
"You're young yet. You'll develop your gifts. Just remember that when you walk into a room & you sense what type of feel the room has, acknowledge to your brain that you are aware of the vibe. It will help you to calm your senses to focus on what people you are there to meet with. And when you sense people coming towards you, know that most people tend to float to whatever it is that gives them the least amount of resistance. Whatever it is that they appreciate most or what gives them the most inner peace. If you discern a person drawing into you, they are drawn to something within you. You will find great success with helping these types of people who are most drawn to you. You will find great failure if you focus too much on why the other people in the room are not as drawn to you."
I mean. What does a person SAY TO THAT?!
Because honestly peoples - if you are drawn to me in any possible way, you need to know that it's not really me you are drawn to. It's the Jesus within.
And hi- did Paul really just give me the easiest version of my own personal success & failure in 30 seconds flat based on knowing nothing more about me, other than the look of my pathetic golf swing?!
Paul then proceeded to watch my Dad's golf swing, determine he was once a baseball player, and then gave him a helpful remedy for getting better sleep in the winter time.
I MEAN. WHAT THE BEEP PAUL?!
And then just as quickly & sweetly as he walked up, Paul walked away.
And my Dad & I drove out of the parking lot, wind in our hair, convertible top down.
Feeling like we both had learned more today about how to correct some bigger things in our lives other than just our golf swings.
The truth is dear reader, I've felt uneasy about turning 30.
Not because I'm afraid of getting older.
My sister never lived to see her 20th golden birthday.
I know enough about life to know that getting older is a privilege.
I think the part where I sense resistance is more to my own personal ideas to what I thought my life would look like at 30.
Which is weird because I never had much of a plan really.
I just didn't think 30 would look like this.
And this isn't bad. It's not.
But it's still not what I imagined it would be.
It's success. It's failures. It's up's. It's downs. It's the love you've all shared with me. It's the broken promises & the broken hearts. It's the life in the years really lived. It's the smell & fear & taste of death. It's the hope in the midst of the day. It's the tears on the pillow at night.
I mean - who knew that life could be so beautifully tragic?!
I'm starting 30 at a rebuilding stage in my life.
Where careers are changing.
Where my family is praying through what the future looks like.
Where we are seeing God's goodness & fullness changing us.
Where sunny days immediately follow rainy days.
Where we use words like humble & broken to describe ourselves.
Right next to words like cray-cray & amazeballs.
Because I don't want to live in a world where things aren't amazeballs. Fo shizzle.
And instead of being so thankful that the Lord walked through all this hard stuff with me.
Instead of giving myself a little credit.
Instead of seeing strength & accomplishment.
Paul was right. I focus on the half of the room I just cannot seem to win over.
All the ways my life doesn't look the way I planned for it to look.
And I somehow feel as though I have just failed miserably.
I mean - what the hey Meggan?
I am not sure what 30 is going to look like.
What people I will meet. What places I will see.
What love I will feel. And what rejection I will face.
But I think.......I think the point is:
1) Life never ever looks the way you planned for it to look.
2) You are enough. God says so.
Living in those truths. Learning from the good crazy guys like Paul. And working on my golf swing.
That's going to be the theme of my 30's I just decided.