Monday, April 11, 2016

All The Things.

I cannot believe it - APRIL 10 WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!
There's just too much happening in this tiny head.
These days I am either really excited or really exhausted.
(emotional roller coasters tend to do that to me.)
I swear I would fall asleep just walking up the stairs if I wasn't afraid of concussions & how much money it costs to repair a chipped tooth.
In the event of just saving time, I have a list of everything small & big happening.
So let's catch up:

  • Week 1 of my training for my new job was about as awesome as it gets.
  • Except the part where I have to meet & do small talk with a gazillion people. (This is when my introvert self gets most exhausted.)
  •  I dropped a huge jar of pickles today in the line at Target. I'm pretty sure I still have glass in the bottom of one of my wedges.
  • My sister's 5k is less than a month away. I REALLY need to kick the training into high gear. or really just into a gear. Meaning I actually need to keep training. I went for 3 mile run today & could barely see straight by the time I got home. Why is running outside so much harder than running on my treadmill while watching the RHOBH?
  • Today I saw that the entire family of one of my sister's organ recipients will be there to run. This makes my heart SO happy.
  • My little sister's new baby is soooooo sweet. Though admittedly, we are off to a fun start. He has decided he really likes to poop for me. If that kid hasn't pooped yet for the day & Auntie GiGi comes to town - LOOK OUT. It will happen. A LOT. I'd like to think I have some sort of gift maybe? The way I see it, we all need to be good at something.....
  • My daughter's birthday is coming up soon & we haven't planned a thing. I'm pretty sure I was dodging it - pretending like maybe it wouldn't happen for the following reasons: 1) I don't like to admit my baby isn't so much my baby anymore. And 2) I might be the worst party planner ever. She wants to invite 4 girls from her class whose parents I have never once met to the party & go to a trampoline park. I DON'T KNOW THE RULES TO THIS STUFF. Do you invite the kids & the parents & their entire family? Or just the girls and one parent? Do these girls have big families? Do you have to pay for all of these people?! Do you have to feed them all?! Should I feed them at a trampoline park?! Wouldn't you throw up from all that bouncing with pizza in your belly? Who are these girls she is inviting? Is it weird I want to do background checks on their parents? Do you have to have a themed birthday party still? Is that still a thing? How old do kids have to be before you stop with the themes? Does my daughter understand that planning this party might give mommy a panic attack? Someone with experience with all of this better message me. ASAP!
  • I went to my first ever comedy club show this weekend with some new coworkers. I might have not gone, as I usually enjoy my weekends free of commitments so that we can rest up for another week of crazy. Until I realized it would be the perfect occasion to break out my leather pants. Any excuse for this 31 year old to wear leather pants. #holla
  • My work asked me to speak in front of all of the managers at my company at a recent Leader Meeting. I might have actually said OUT LOUD during this talk that if they heard someone throwing up from nervousness under the table in the corner of the room, it would most likely be me. I don't plan to ever be asked to speak up front again.
  • For the first time in 6 years I have an actual office - WITH A DOOR. Not a cubicle. Not a partial office with lowered walls. AN OFFICE WITH A DOOR. My first order of business when I walked in was to shut the door & swirl around once in my fancy chair.
    Yes - It is very important to celebrate the small things.
  • I was very excited when my kids were on Spring Break this past week. It was the first week in months I didn't have to check backpacks every single night, unload 15 different pieces of colored paper that include worksheets, art projects, and parent newsletters, and then sit watching over my child whilst they complete their homework for the evening. AND THEY ARE ONLY IN KINDEGARTEN & PRESCHOOL. It was only then I realized that it's not just kids who have a countdown to summer vacation secretly running in the back of their minds.
  • Today at church the pastor preached about why people live so much of their life in fear. Then he had us think about & write down our biggest fear. I think I hate discussing my fears more than I hate anything else in the entire world. Stupid sermon. I hate you.
  • April 10 is my Grandma's birthday. She would have been 92 today. I miss her terribly.
  • I got an email this week asking me to consider posting my work outfits & do some sort of fashion posts. I laughed out loud. Until I read somewhere that these types of posts typically attract sponsors - the kind of sponsors that send you FREE SHOES. Now I am at least mildly considering it.
  • I started following 4 new blogs last month as I realized some time ago that all of the bloggers I used to follow have all officially stopped writing on their blogs. I logged in happily today to read everything I had missed this past month. All four bloggers haven't posted a thing. THEY STOPPED WRITING. Why does this keep happening to me?! I'm starting to take this personally.
  • I drank a few sodas this past week after going a few months cold turkey..... Stop judging me.
  • It wasn't too long ago that I got an email from a friend telling me to apply for this mommy blog that was followed by tens of thousands of Mom's in Minnesota. I'd get to talk about my mad Mommy skillz & hopefully get some traffic over to my little corner of the internet. Of course you do this for free in the off chance of gaining more exposure in the writing world. I knew it couldn't hurt to try - so I sent over a few samplings of my writing & received an email back that I would be hearing from them in a few weeks when they had made their final decision.
    They were only looking for a few new bloggers & hundreds of people had submitted their work.
    The next week at work I had a meeting with the head of our HR department as part of our company's new emerging leaders program. She was speaking to a small group of us about rejection & how to accept that gracefully as part of your journey when you are trying to get anywhere in life that really matters. She then started telling a story about being rejected by a mommy blog after she submitted some work when they were looking for new contributors. (Sound familiar?)
    I felt this entire deja vu thing happening & took it as a sign that I would likely soon be receiving my rejection letter at any moment.
    3 days later, it came. Rejection. In big bold letters.
    Apparently some of us are not meant for bigger things.
    After thinking back to the story about accepting rejection gracefully, I was able to get over it quickly & realize that if this little blog is all I would ever get in the world - I would happily be okay with it.
    Thank you readers who come & visit me each week on this space. You are why I do what I do. Well that, and for the free shoes. Obviously.

    I'd love to stay & chat.
    But I just realized it's after midnight, I work extra early in the morning, there's new episodes of "Girl Meets World" on Netflix, and I have a new jar of queso dip in the cupboards.
    Have a great week!

Friday, April 1, 2016

Five Minute Friday: Decide

Partnering today with writers over at Kate Motaung's blog for Five Minute Friday!
This week's word to write about unedited & unfiltered for 5 minutes was "Decide."

I had a really hard time with this one.
Mostly because I can sometimes be very bad in my decision making skills.
I can hardly decide what I want for breakfast most days.
Then comes the second guessing.
I should have had the oatmeal instead of the bagel.
And so on.

But the point of Five Minute Friday is to set a timer, and just for it!
So here goes.
Don't judge me today Reader.

The difficult part of going to a small bible college in the Midwest is that you are consistently talking, praying, studying, walking beside people who can be just as inept & new at this God thing as you are.

I would hear people say things like "God Spoke To Me" when it came to making decisions in their lives, and I would think I must clearly be doing this whole God thing wrong. I mean, I've never once heard the Lord audibly speak to me - Burning bush style.

It would be difficult to explain even the "Lord's Leading" (another example of the Christian language that sometimes makes me cringe) in my own life.
The way I even got to bible college was strange.
And somewhat moronic if I am being perfectly honest.

I went to a college preview weekend at this tiny college in the middle of no where.
I had an old friend who went to college there & had invited me down for the weekend.
And for one reason or another, I fell in love with it.
The old buildings. The history. The people. The energy.
But there was absolutely no way I was going to go to school there.
How would I possibly explain to my parents, friends, & boyfriend back home a decision so insane?!
No one would understand.
I mean, how could they?
I didn't even understand it myself!

So before the weekend was over, some college kid with waaay too much time on his hands decided to razz me about going to the college's scholarship competition for high school seniors.
Why on earth would I go to such an event?!
I had zero plans of attending college there. I didn't care how in love I was.
Through some coaxing (okay he gave me $20 to go) I went.

The lobby was full of high school students.
They had TROPHIES. Blue ribbons. Certificates of being the best at everything.
These were the smart, accomplished kids who we all secretly wish we were more like.
But end up hating simply because they remind us of how few accomplishments we actually possess.

My insecurity was getting the best of me.
I KNEW there was no way I was getting a scholarship.
As I sat in the lobby feeling like an absolute fool for coming to such a place, I smugly sat there, arms crossed and made my first ever deal with God.
Okay God. You want me here Prove it. Give me a scholarship.

I had no awards with me. I bombed my interview. I'm pretty sure I even spoke about the Backstreet Boys as an answer to one of their questions about my theological perspectives.
There's NO WAY these people would ever understand my past, where I come from, and who I am.
People like me didn't get scholarships to places where girls wore ankle length jean skirts. #truestory

Later that night as the weekend drew to a close, the winners of the scholarships were announced.
I had won nothing so far. It finally came down to the final & largest scholarship they offered.
When my name was called, I fell out of my chair.
Quite literally.
I don't think the word shocked quite covers it.
I decided right then & there to never make another deal with God.
And I haven't since.

Sometimes us God people don't like to admit that these decisions where we sense the "Lord's Leading" or when "The Lord Spoke To Us" to show us which path to take, really just means we aren't entirely sure what the heck we are doing.
Though we like to pretend & make you think we have all the answers.
Underneath the surface, we might just be questioning if God even knows what He's doing.
Sometimes we make deals with God.
Or we are bargaining for God to just lead us the way we want it to go.
Sometimes we walk a path simply because every other door has been shut.

This God thing is hard.
I'm starting to learn though.
Maybe it's less about pretending we have all answers.
Maybe it's more about admitting that we have absolutely no idea if this will work out at all.
But we know (For the bible tells me so) that no matter how this goes.
No matter what decision we make.
God is with us.

Friday, March 25, 2016

Five Minute Friday: Alive

Partnering today with writers over at Kate Motaung's blog for Five Minute Friday!
This week's word to write about unedited & unfiltered for 5 minutes was "Alive."
Normally this is where I'd write a few paragraphs about this topic & what I think of today's prompt word. But I'm taking a different spin today.

Here's my 5 minute list of things that make me feel ALIVE:

1. Driving with the windows down.
2. Riding a bike fast.
3. Singing worship music at the top of my lungs in my car.
4. Reading through old journals.
5. Holding babies.
6. Swimming in the ocean.
7. Dancing at weddings.
8. Celebrating other people's successes.
9. Spending time with my best friends.
10. Driving through the mountains
11. Date nights with my husband.
12. Ice cream headaches.
13. Concerts.
14. Driving my Dad's convertible with the top down.
15. Vacation.
16. Getting a really good work performance review.
17. Making my kids laugh. (Which P.S. involves a lot of discussion over the topic of burping these days. This is life with a 4 year old boy. )
18. Watching an old episode of "Friends."
19. Laughing......with anyone really.....
20. Roller Coasters.
21. Serving or helping others.
22. Shopping.
23. Reading.
24. Having a conversation with someone you've never met before and you instantly love them.
25. When I get to pretend I'm a stay-at-home-mom for the day & get to do the mom thing - instead of the working mom thing.
26. Hugging someone who really needs a hug.
27. When I stay real & true to who I am in the tough moments when I am tempted not to.
28. Eating cheesecake.
29. Spring.
30. Easter - HE IS RISEN.
31. Hearing my kids singing praise music in the backseat of the car.
32. Praying with my kids at night.
33. When all the laundry in the house is folded & put away.
34. Watching my kids getting to experience something they haven't before.
35. Writing. Being vulnerable in my writing.
36. Picking up right where you left off with someone you haven't seen in awhile.
37. Lilacs.
38. Kissin'.

Oh. There was so much more. Darn you timer! I hope you are able to make your own list.
And more importantly - go out & do the very things that make you feel most alive.
Happy Easter Reader!! :)