I am waiting on my iPhone to finish updating...... Apparently if you are naughty & never do your system updates, Apple punishes you by taking away your Facetime. And since I would really, REALLY like to Facetime with my bestie sometime this year, I need to update.
Why oh why does this take so loooong Internet?!
So. Let's kill some time together.
Allow me to catch you up.
----> My husband was tired of his social life, or a lack thereof. He told me was going to do a guys poker night. After a few guys backed out last minute, it turned into "Bring Your Family" night & "We Will Feed You Loads Upon Loads of Super Unhealthy, Sugary Snacks" night. And there were so many kids running around this joint, I'm pretty sure we all went slightly deaf in at least one ear. I feel kind of like a loser in that I took absolutely no pictures whatsoever of this event. But that just goes to show you I was having waaaay too much fun to bother.
I am getting to know all of these new people. And it kind of feels like a page is a turning.
For both me & Trevor. And I really, really liked it.
---> I'm kind of obsessed with Jim Gaffigan ...... who is a comic that just gets me.
Probably because all he ever talks about it food. Or kids. Or mixing food & kids.
Anywho. He was going to be on David Letterman.
So I DVR'd it. Because naturally I am never up this late ever.
Except to update my iPhone...... Rawr.
After Jim made me choke on my popcorn with out loud laughter, this singer who I had NEVER heard of finished the show. Paloma Faith: anyone out there ever heard of her?
This song came on. And I'm not quite sure if I'm in love with the song, the weird art-vibe that is Paloma, or the musicians jamming in the background.
But I LOVE this.
---> This past week was the 9 year anniversary of my sister's passing. I'm not entirely sure why. But I have this emotional desire deep down to know that people do not forget my sister. That they do not forget what her death taught them.
It should just be enough that I & my family remember. And screw the rest of the world. If they remember, awesome. If they don't, their loss.
But it's more than that. I need for the people closest to me to remember.
Even if remembering is exhausting or difficult or inconvenient.
I need to know that this still matters. That it will always matter to them.
Even if it doesn't quite matter to them the way it matters to me.
So sorry to everyone I saw this past week if I seemed weird or unconnected or aloof.
My mind just kind of goes places this time of year.
I was thankful I had the day off. And just spent it with my family.
Wearing Bridgett's sweatshirt. Telling Bridgett's jokes. Staring at her pictures. Remembering who she was. What she stood for. What she loved. What she didn't.
Walking through the fall leaves. Crying. Holding Trevor's hand. Trying not to be bitter.
Thinking of sweet memories. Choking back the painful memories.
I remember Bridgie. I promise I always will.
Thank you to all of you who remembered with us. It truly means more than you know.
----> It took me a little over month. But this weekend I finally finished the entire series of Veronica Mars. 3 seasons and one full-length movie.... I'm not sure if I should be proud of this fact or obscenely embarrassed by the amount of couch time it takes to accomplish this sort of thing.
And I have to say, it was every bit of good that people said it was.
It also reminded me of how cute boys are when they do the lean.
Logan Eckles & I probably dated in another life. And Veronica Mars is probably the most empowering female lead I have seen in quite some time. All in all, if this show is sitting in your Amazon Prime Instant Que, I'd of course tell you to watch it.
And invite me over to watch it with you. I'll bring the popcorn.
----> Since we had Parker, Trevor & I have always had a back & forth discussion on whether or not we were done having kids. I have my reasons for wanting to be done...... I'm a horribly sick pregnant woman. I'm just getting my body back. Income. Time. My kids are finally starting to sleep through the night. I have my reasons Internet. Good ones. Believe me.
Then I read this article my high school pal Shannon posted. [Blog shout out to Shannon]
"The Void When You're Done Having Children."
Whoa. That word: Void.
Suddenly there's this void I never once considered.
Like this impending doom if you make such a permanent decision based on the chronic exhaustion you feel deep inside your bones.
I'm not sure that the article did much to change my mind. Except that maybe.
It caused me to pause.
And maybe pausing was precisely the point.
Who knows what the future holds?
I don't of course. But God knows.
And the free spirit inside me is fine with the no plan plan.
It's kind of freeing to hand your life to God.
It was never really mine anyway.
That much I have already learned.
Sometimes I wonder if the more open we are, the more room we give God to bring about what only He can bring.
Letting go of the control is completely terrifying.
I mean, does God really know best?!
Does He..... REALLY?!
And if we own it & claim it, then there comes a time where we put faith in motion.
And we simply fall back. And trust.
Why is that so hard?
Trust. Voids. iPhone backups.
Life is full of tricky little things tonight Internet.