Sunday, March 30, 2014

Hey. It's OK....

Hey. It's okay...... roll up your pants on the bottom & pretend you are a hipster. suffer reasonable amounts of Mom guilt when you work a lot. occasionally give your children a sucker before supper to cleanse oneself from Mom guilt. be the only person who seriously hates Kenny Chesney music. write a blog standing up. accept help from other people. tell people you're "okay" when they ask how you are doing. Because you are really doing okay. scream at your television when Will died last Sunday night on "The Good Wife." BLAST Florence & The Machine on repeat.

Shake It Out by Florence and the Machine on Grooveshark have emotional breakdowns on your treadmill while you try to work out to Florence & The Machine. Pssssh. Good luck working out to that. unfollow a distant acquaintance who gives out parenting advice.... but has no children.

....if the idea of running a 5k in a month makes you want to curl up & take a nap instead of train.

....that your garage is busting at the seams with all the junk you threw in there over the winter. tell people no. be selective about who you let into your life. go see the movie "Noah." I promise not to get on my moral high ground & slam you for seeing it. It's also okay to focus on bigger problems in the world than worrying if a Hollywood movie directed by a professing atheist got the book of Genesis spot on. [Is it just me or are we as professing Christians just a tad too over-dramatic & snobby about we expect from nonbelievers?] ask your parents when they buy matching Ford Mustang Convertibles if they are going through a mid-life crisis? And if not, in total typical teenage fashion - is it okay if you borrow the car this weekend then?  :) have a stack of books that you put off reading. But then read your coworkers copy of "Glamour" magazine cover to cover in one lunch hour. wish you were daring enough to try purple eyeliner. sometimes believe the fortune cookie. wish death upon the cartoon Caillou.

....that you took a pregnancy test after 5 people randomly asked you this week if you were pregnant.

....that you were relieved that your pregnancy test said "Not Pregnant."

....that you told the world at large on the internet that you peed on a stick.

....that you started a new diet this week called the "Stop Eating Everything Put In Front Of Me" diet. cry when it starts snowing. [again.] Or at the very least take a selfie during the snowstorm.

....that you want to take a yoga class to lose weight, but first need to lose weight before you can go lose weight. [Totally makes sense.] punish your son for hitting his sister by making him take a time-out, sitting on the floor in the corner of a Burger King bathroom. miss President Bush. consider opening a dog park. Or a trampoline park. Or a business that maybe doesn't require heavy insurance. be thankful for people who speak life giving words.

....if at-home waxing kits scare you.

....if you always carry the same purse because you hate switching over the enormous amount of totally essential crap that sits in your handbag. work hard - some days really hard. But then take no guilt or shame in taking your Sabbath or a vacation even. Hey. It's okay to know when you've earned something. Really earned it.

....if your daughter knows all the lyrics to "Let It Go" - the constant reminder of the words to this song will likely save you years of therapy.

....if your name is spelled weird. Sometimes a little different is not such a bad thing. have seasons of life where all you care about is pasta & like 3 people.

....that you sometimes only dust when your mother comes to town.

....that your life turned out differently than you thought it would be.

....that the only time you walk into a jewelry store is to get your wedding ring cleaned. walk happily & humbly. Knowing that life is truly what you make it.

Much Love Readers. 

Friday, March 14, 2014

The Day.

You guys.

Lately my days are just all kind of fading together.
Every day is the same. But kind of different too.
I wake up late - usually because I hit snooze too many times.
Or because I was looking at Instagram that morning for too long. Again.
I shower. Tell myself I will shave my legs tomorrow when I actually get up on time.....
Cha right.

I watch a movie or television show as I put my "Meggan Face" on for the day.
Usually the show has to involve strong business women.
It kind of helps me to be fierce for the day.
I'm not sure why it helps. But it does.

I grab my two granola bars as I rush out the door.
Trying not to wake my family with my high heels hitting the wood floors.
I eat the granola bars on my drive to work.
While I listen to morning radio talk.
Because I'm just sick of every song on my iPhone right now.
Some days I will look out on the lakes I pass on my drive to work.
I'll pray in those moments as the sun rises.
For the people I love.
For the people I don't like.
For the people I will encounter that day.

I get to work. Usually 5 minutes early. Or 5 minutes late.
Never right on time. I'm kind of a loser like that.

I start my day.
And if anyone could see my day, I often wonder how other people would hold up.
Because I literally don't have time to think.
Or breathe. Or stand still for a moment.
I'm busy. Like super busy. All. Day. Long.
Handling so many small, itsy details that make up people's lives.
In the finance world, EVERYTHING needs to be done yesterday.
There is no 'catching up.'
Your smile pile is always there......
It never goes away.
There is much to do. And before I even know it, half my day has already passed.

I eat a salad for lunch most days.
While I read my emails & scan through my day planner. Or stare blankly out the window trying to hold onto a quiet moment for the small fraction of time it will last.

I go back to work.
And literally have no time to think about anything else for the remainder of the work day.
But work. Work. And more work.
Most days I laugh. I find joy in the work I do.
I learn from the people I work with.
I study their quirks & habits.
They are God-sends. I enjoy each of them in their own ways.
I lock the doors. Usually one of the last to leave.

I drive out of the parking lot.
Fast usually. I really like to go fast.
I blast my radio.
I try to let the stress of the day fall off of me.
I fight through traffic.
Sometimes I pray more during this time.
I pray for all the hard things I saw during the day.
For all the people I know who need extra encouragement.
Or I think about my family & what we will do together when I get home.

I arrive home.
Addison hides. She wants me to come find her.
I act like I have no clue where she is.
Though she hides in the same spot every day.
Parker rushes me at the door.
He's always the most excited to see me.
I'm not sure what I will do when this is no longer the case.
Parker hugs me. And overwhelmingly demands my attention for the next hour.

Cooper jumps all over me.
He still has so much puppy in him.
I command him to sit. Or stay down.
He is just too excited to bother listening.
Naughty dog.
Cooper usually ends up hurting one of the children who are constantly under my feet.
Someone gets jumped on. Or scratched.
Their tears flow.
The puppy gets scolded to simmer down.
The child gets a mom hug.
Which as we all know is the best kind of hug.

I at last make it over to my husband.
I kiss him.
Ask him how his day went.
He usually sighs.
And walks through his day with me.
I can see the tired in his eyes.
And hear the tension in his voice.
I want so badly to make life easier for him.
But so often I'm so tired from the day, I can barely hold my eyes open through dinner.

Dinner usually includes Addison telling me all about her day.
And Parker fighting us on eating.
Is he really that picky? Or is he just testing me?
I try not to check my phone at the table.
But usually I have missed at least a half dozen text messages by this time.
As I have had no time to check my phone whatsoever during the day.
And if I wait much longer, I won't respond at all.
Not because I don't want to.
But simply because I reach a point where I give up.
Chalk it up to being tired to the bone.

I try to spend the next few hours playing hide or go seek.
Barbies. Trucks. Anything playing.
Some days I'm simply too tired to do anything except watch.
So I watch them.
And I tell them I love them.
And I smile a lot.
And I take in Addison's humor.
And Parker's excitement for everything he does.
I am trying to exist in that moment because I don't want to miss it.
But I worry I am missing it.

Bath times. Brushing the teeth. Jammies. Pull ups. Story time.
Time for kiddos to go to bed.
They usually fight this time now.
"Mommy, why do we go to bed all the time?"
"Every little boy & girl needs to go to bed at night."
"Why Mom?"
"Because that's how God made us."
"Because why?"
"Hmmmm. That's a good question. You ask God. And get back to me."
I think that's the only way to end a series of endless questions from a 3 year old.
Tell them to ask God about it.
I kiss them. Tuck them in.

Sigh deep. My first moment with no place to be. No words needing to be spoken all day long.
No more rushing. Or frantic pace.
Just calm & quiet.
I think about reading. Or writing.
Or listening to my husband talk about something.
Just because I love listening to his calming voice.
About all the energy I can usually muster though is falling asleep on the couch watching the Bachelor.
I am such an old lady.

I wake up usually sometime in the wee hours of the morning.
To find my husband has usually covered me up with a blanket.
Plugged in my phone next to me.
Set my alarm in case I didn't wake up.
And turned off the television.
I immediately feel guilty I am not a better wife.
As honestly - I do not deserve the man I married.

I vow to be a better wife tomorrow.
Or at the very least - eat more veggies.
I tip toe to bed.
My head finally hits my favorite feather pillow.
And I sink in. Feeling the exhaustion deep inside my bones.

Tomorrow. It begins again.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

It Happened. [But It Almost Did Not Happen.]

I'm not sure when the exact moment happened when I agreed to do this whole jump-into-a-frozen-lake thing. I'm pretty sure I was heavily medicated at work that day. Either that or I was super drunk. [just kidding Mom.] Actually they probably caught me at a good moment where the sun was shining brightly and the temperature was actually above 10 degrees in Minnesota. [Seriously. Has not happened much this winter at all.]

All I know for sure, is that sometimes out of sheer passiveness, we agree to do things we would not normally be capable of doing. This was one of the those things.

Let it be known that I am not a huge risk taker. I would never call myself a daredevil or thrill seeker. Or anything that even remotely sounds cool or possibly dangerous.
In fact, maybe that's what drew me into this to begin with.
Possibility. Adventure. Helping Others. The chance to be a little cray-cray.
After this past year, I needed to go a little cray-cray.
And saying yes to things I normally would have said no to, just seemed like a good idea.

After how brutally cold this winter has been though, I thought very heavily about quitting. In fact, if it were not from the financial backing of some of you, I honestly probably wouldn't have done it. It was your hard earned money. And your beautiful stories about someone you know personally who has benefited from the Special Olympics that kept me going. Or thoughts of a dear client of mine who proudly comes in to show his gold medals after he competed.

So this morning, I got all jazzed up.

'Think like a polar bear Meggan.'

Yeah. That didn't help.
So I started running in place.
Totally how to keep your feet warm when you are wearing swim shoes & it's like -30 degrees outside.
Just in case you needed to know that.

My mom recommended duct tape & bubble wrap.
My sister told me not to die.
My brother told me I was a wuss if I didn't go underwater.
My husband just reminded me of my inner Drama Queen.
And my Addison kissed me as I left & told me to jump really high.

The jump happened.

It goes by so quickly there isn't much time to think about anything except GET OUT OF THE WATER NOW. You really don't see anything else but the ladder waiting for you at the other side of the hole.

The water believe it or not, was WARMER than the air.
And really, it was chaotic everywhere before/after.

When you finally get into the warming tent after the jump, your basic instincts take over. You forget about the fact that you are now officially in a tent with 50 naked women trying not to freeze to death.
Your basic goal is to try to regain feeling again in your legs & feet.

When you are at last dry & fully clothed, your senses slowly start to come back in.
And you finally realize your coworker standing right next to you may have gotten more than she bargained for when she signed up for this thing with you many months ago.
In fact if her To Do list read:

1. Polar Plunge
2. See Meggan in the worst light possible

Well, she totally conquered that list then.

As we were riding in the car on the way home, I clicked to watch the video my husband got of the whole thing.

I saw my coworker Ben do his cannonball. Awesome.
I watched 3 people I've never seen before in my life jump. Random.
And as I hit the arrow next - NOTHING HAPPENED.

There was not a single video of us jumping. AT ALL.
And I panicked. And threw the camera down. And a whole bunch of other things I am too ashamed to dare write in a public forum on the internet......
A full on temper tantrum ensued as I rationalized how my husband probably deleted the video on purpose to teach me to "live more in the moment" or "the event wasn't about you! It was about Special Olympics!"
Or some other truth that is good in theory for a person to hear, but not when they are really mad in the moment.

My husband left later this afternoon as he already had a guy's night planned with a friend.
I'm sure he was devastated to say goodbye to his pouting wife.....

What do you think he will do when I tell him whoops! My coworker did catch the event on her phone....
[Insert sheepish grin.]

And oh yeah - sorry honey that you married this schmuck.
But I promise to give him long "I'm sorry" kisses when he gets home.

In the end - I had a blast.
And truthfully. I'd do it again.
Just let me regain the feeling in my feet first.

Totally representing! Keeping it in the family:) My Cousin Tara plunges every year & somehow talks the foreign exchange students that stay with her to plunge with her. I'm not sure I'd ever come back to America if I were them...... but YOLO!!:)
[You knew I was going to whip that out at some point right?]

****THANK YOU******

-Josh & Kady
-Don & Jeanne
-SHANNON!! And Brandon
-Mom & Dennis
-My Hannah
-My husband [mostly just for putting up with me]
-My Coworkers
-Our Cheerleaders Today A'lesha & Chloe
-My Grandparents
-Our Members Who Jumped With Us
-My Boss
-Our Members Who Donated

Such a cooooool day....... [pun intended]

And such a worthy cause. For more information about the Special Olympics, go to ------>

Until next year!