May Days.

Note To Self: When your husband leaves the house with the kids to give you some quiet time on a Friday night, you will not get much writing done when you can still see him down the street playing with your kids at the park. Your heart will fill with a million gushy, thankful feelings. And you will laugh & cry at how fast life seems to be passing you by. Only to look back at your computer screen & realize a half hour has ticked by & you have got nothing to show for it.

Oh man reader. If you could only see me now.
Sitting in bed. With the biggest, most frizzy messy hair bun you can possibly imagine.
Paint all over every limb.
Totally frazzled by the slightest movement on my skin.
Because seriously reader. It's woodtick season.

I must have picked off a dozen woodticks on my legs these past few days.
And before you go all -

 "Hey Meggan - how about you stop hiking in the woods with your high heels on again?" 

Nothing I won't do for a great picture..... Including hiking in the woods with high heels.

I could tell you I was just standing in my short grass front yard painting bookcases, minding my own business. When these blood sucking evil bugs start crawling up my skin.
If I suddenly develop a twitch, you'll know one of them finally finished me off.

I was standing in the front yard painting bookcases for my cousin Hannah's room.
Okay. Hannah in a 30 second recap for those of you catching up.....

Hannah = 19 years old.
Hannah's Mom [My Auntie Donna] passed away in November of Breast Cancer.
Dad hasn't really been in the picture.
Hannah needed a home to come back to from college.
A home for summer breaks & holidays.
Feeling called to do so, we asked Hannah if she wanted to live with us.
She said yes.
Which means she is slightly crazy. And loves the constant flow of activity around here.
But we really had no where for her to live.
Our bedroom situation in our new house wasn't going to work status quo.
So after spending 2 months on a mattress in the middle of our family room.
We are at last finishing the final touches to her bedroom.
Which used to be the only unfinished room of our entire house.
Built mostly by church friends & family who have all volunteered their time.
Who believe in our calling to give Hannah a home.

Many work hours & amazing construction hands later........

We still have to put a final coat of paint on some trim & doors.
But WOW! Hannah is amazingly loved - by people she barely even knows.
I don't even know how to say thank you to everyone I know who helped.
And the wives who didn't see their husbands for nights on end while they completed a project.
When I think about all the ways we have been blessed, I just break down.

So. To spare you the mascara running cry, I will just once again say thank you.
We hope to have everyone who helped & their families come over for an open house in June.
Just so they can watch the mascara run in person:)
And know how insanely grateful we are [especially to Mark, Steve, Alan, & Brent] for being men of compassion who helped & gave how they could..... Some giving until it hurt.
I have been praying God's blessings over these families especially.
And okay. I'm crying again. I don't think I can ever say THANK YOU enough.

Grab a tissue Meggan. Pull yourself together girlfriend. Sheesh.....

When we were not painting/sawing/drywalling, sanding. We celebrated Addison's 3rd birthday!

A total life of the party. She gets that from both sides of the family......
Poor kid never stood a chance.

And to whoever gave her the thousands of princess stickers that I keep finding all over my house & the window markers that require more window washing than I care to add to my daily cleanup chores - you are never allowed to give my kids presents again.

A week later & it was time for the 5k I had been kind of, sort of training for.
So the weather stayed bad pretty much until the 5k.
And by bad I mean off & on snowing into the first week of May.
It was really tough to run outside when everyday there was snow & slush in the streets.
Thankfully everyone else running was in the same untrained boat:)

Even by just doing my own daily workouts 3-4 times a week, I was able to take 10 minutes off my run time from last year. I felt super proud  for trying to take better care of myself & making better choices towards being healthy. I have a long way to go. But I'm getting there.
I might have pushed myself a little too hard because my knees were jello for WEEKS afterwards.
I'm only now starting back up into my workouts again.
Ready to train for the next 5k in August for a drug & alcohol rehabilitation program.
Hoping to shave off even more time by then.

The best part though was seeing how many people came this year.
As most of you know, this 5k supports the program that was started in my sister's legacy.
So every runner that showed up in wet & miserable conditions meant something to me & my family.
It meant another adopted Grandparent.
It meant keeping another senior in their home instead of entering a nursing home.
It meant more ramps, more repaired flooring for seniors with wheelchairs & walkers.
It meant less lonely seniors. More engaged, giving young people.
Every runner gave a little something back to the world that day.

Always my favorite person to see that day is Shirley - my sister's lung recipient. 

This year really meant a lot to me to see her.
Especially because of this little girl......

Lanie.
After going through a double organ transplant weeks before, Lanie was the first person I drove in my car to go see after the 5k.
Before Lanie my family really only knew one side of being an organ donor.
But because of brave Lanie & her strong parents [who I attended college with] we have gotten the chance to really see the other side.
What it means to survive incredible odds.
The looooooooong months spent at the hospital afterwards.
The pain of seeing your child ache & not being able to fix it.
How God sustains & provides for every need.
How to praise God in the darkest of places.

Spend a day with this incredible family.
And your world will be changed for the better.
For all the things you have shared with me & taught me Lanie - I am forever grateful to you.

Mother's Day I went to church without the kiddos as my family had all caught the stomach flu.
While it was nice to only have myself to get ready that morning, I spent the rest of day painting & caring for my sick little family. Not much of a day off. But much was accomplished none the less.

That same week my poor Grams had a stroke, Parker had [another] ear infection, and we cheered on my step-brother Chris walking on his new leg for the first time.

Parker gave us quite the scare as he developed what appeared to be a hernia. After consulting with the pediatric surgeon, we dodged the surgery & thankfully Parker has gotten back to himself in no time:)

 There were weddings to attend, a concert to plan, and friends that visited.

Hannah has been home for just over a week. Waitressing at a higher end restaurant. The dynamic of home changes in a great way when she is here. And Addison.....well, Hannah is officially her favorite person in the world right now. Hannah made me a little weepy when she told me that Addison is the little sister she always wanted. They have a very special relationship & I am thankful Addison & Parker have someone who loves them both so much.

Just as construction projects were slowly coming to an end, Trevor & I found ourselves celebrating our seventh wedding anniversary. 

The day of our anniversary this year was cold & rainy. So much for the picnic I had planned that night. On our hike into the woods that evening for our annual anniversary picture, Trevor got a call from the church that one of his former youth kids had died that day. [Cause unknown at this point.] He left our date to go be with the boy's family.

While I was a little bummed that our anniversary meant a quick photo & dinner at the Culver's drive thru, I was mostly thankful that Trevor could be with this family during such a hard day.

Hoping maybe we will get a date do-over soon...... But are continuing to lift this boy's family in our prayers.

Though it was tough to find some good in that day, I have to admit feeling guilty for even wanting to celebrate our anniversary after such devastating news.
Often times it doesn't feel appropriate to celebrate when you see the hardships others are facing.
And honestly - sometimes it just plain isn't appropriate.
Especially when your heart is just not in it.

So this month. This month of May has got me thinking.....

I think that this month brought many moments of pure joy for me & my family.
Yet after each celebration [or sometimes during] there seemed to compile a weight of unanswered questions.
Why God would allow this? Or why God would bring along that?
Hospital room after hospital room of sick children.
A parent burying her son much before his time.

I slowly start to feel the weight my heart is carrying.

Then one day as I do the dishes, a song comes over the radio.
It's never the same song. But just the song I needed in that moment.
The lyrics wrap around me.
Until I am a ball on the floor.
Surrendering to the weight of this world.
Offering back what I have kept from God.

This month has been long. Trying. Tiring.
I haven't wanted to write.
Or breathe. Or run. Or carry on in my usual banter.
I confess to doing too much & saying too little.
To overthinking & underpraying.

Sometimes life can be too much. Too hard. Too sad. Too busy.
Maybe it is there - this quiet, sunken valley - where a person learns what it means to come to the end of self.
A place where you truly learn to walk by faith. And not by sight.

Where the lessons burn deep.
And the woodticks bite hard.

Okay so maybe May wasn't a complete loss.
I think I learned a thing. [or two]
I'm kind of hoping for a pretty low-key [healthy] June though.
If you're still reading this than perhaps I haven't lost you in my writing gap.
Or in my super long ultra blog to just catch up.

I never know if what I'm saying makes any sort of sense to anyone out there.
Or if I'm just rambling & posting pictures so I'll remember these lessons long after May is over.
But I wanted you to know reader that when answers are hard to come by, my solace often comes by putting words in motion.
Even if it's just you & me reading this.
I am thankful for you & this small place we can meet together to share life.

The Wedding.

Since May 20 has officially welcomed Trevor & I into our seventh year of marriage [seven is a second grader Internet.....Holy Cow.] I thought I would relive some of what made that day great...... and not so great as every wedding of course has it's glitches.
In some ways I think everyone should get a wedding do-over if you got married in the Pre-Pinterest days when personalized weddings really hadn't taken off yet. Trevor & I still had those unique touches to some degree. But wedding photography & videography back in the 'good ole days' was not quite the business it is now. So forgive my media for not reaching the criteria of most photography blogs you see today. But hey, it was all we had then:)



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May 20, 2006 was forecasted to be cloudy with patches of rain. But inside my head it was clear skies & sunshine. I had the deepest peace imaginable that Trevor was the man I needed to marry. Not a single doubt in my heart. I'm not sure I appreciated what a gift that was when it was my turn to wear a white dress. But it's something I look back on now with great thanks that God blessed the desire of my heart. And gave me freedom from doubts & regret. I had no cold feet moments. I honestly couldn't get to the church fast enough.

The morning of the wedding I woke up & started packing my suitcase for the honeymoon. My bridal attendants stopped over to my house on their way to the church just to check in and see if I needed anything. [Best attendants ever.]

 They remarked on how calm & cool I was that my wedding was about to happen in just a few hours. I think I would surprise everyone & even myself that day by my go-with-the-flow demeanor. Most of my friends had bets going that I would be a total bridezilla.I guess I'm a little bossy & controlling out spoken.
But when you lose your sister just a few months before your wedding, everything comes into it's own proper perspective. Things that might have been a big deal before fade into the background. Until you're completely focused on the man who will wait for you at the end of the aisle.
Nothing else except love seemed important.

I will say that it was difficult to plan such a happy event with the cloud of my sister's car accident looming overhead. I remember my mom asked me if I wanted to wait until the cloud had lifted to plan the wedding. But Bridgett would want me to live my life. She'd want me to get married. In fact, she was the first person I told I was engaged:) I asked her to be my maid of honor & to this day I am so grateful that God would let me have that one last sweet memory with her.

On my wedding day I remembered thinking that whatever may come, all that mattered was saying "I Do." All the planning you do before hand so that when the day finally arrives, it's everyone else's job to sweat the small stuff. It's your job to kick back with a glass of champagne [or Mountain Dew as I preferred....I'm classy like that.] and enjoy being the bride.

My dress was the third one I tried on. And when I put it on I simply stopped looking because I knew this was 'the one' ......... funny how dress shopping imitated life & my engagement with Trevor.....
Or maybe I'm just one of those super decisive people who makes their decisions & stands by them no matter what.
It was a Maggie Sottero gown......Maggie's dresses are just so flowy & romantic..... it was perfection.  I'm kind of bedazzled bead girl so there was just enough glass beads on the gown to be elegant without being gaudy.

Funny story. So the only request Trevor really made about the wedding was that he could wear black Air Jordans at the reception for his tux shoes. Naturally I was very resistant to the idea at first. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Trevor & I first started getting to know one another through our basketball teams at college. Basketball as it turns out has always been very good for our relationship:)

So if he wore all black shoes, naturally I'd wear all white. And my socks could be my something blue. Since you couldn't see my shoes under my gown, I figured why not wear them during the ceremony & be totally comfortable the entire day right?
It wasn't proper or sophisticated.
It wasn't showy or pretentious.
It was us.

One of the bigger wedding 'controversies' ...... if you can really call it that...... that I seemed to get teased about the most was the number of bridesmaids & groomsmen we had stand beside us that day.

The deal with having seven bridesmaids was that my friends were really my support system [especially down at college in Iowa when I was away from my family] after my sister died. They had really come through for me that year when I needed them. Each of them in their own way went above & beyond the calling of friendship. And I couldn't pick between them. They all were so important to me. So I just asked all seven of them:)
I might do things differently now at 28 then I did at 21. But hey. You live & learn.
At the end of the day it's your wedding. And you get to decide what goes & what doesn't.

Trevor often joked that he didn't have as many friends as I did so he had to beg people off the street to be his groomsmen...... good one Trevor ;)

 He had some pretty great friends too so our wedding party was really 14 of the most awesome people we know.

Each of my bridesmaids dresses were completely different & unique. This was done simply out of respect to my girls. I had one bridesmaid who was a size 2 and I had one who was a size 14. It didn't seem right to make them endure the agony of being uncomfortable in dresses they hate while being compared to each other. They are all so beautiful in their own way. So I wanted them to have dresses that reflected that. I tied the dresses together using the color apple red, making sure they were all long floor length dresses, and I bought the girls gloves for the elegant ceremony look.

I asked my sister Mikayla to my MOH.
It's simply the right thing to have your sister by your side:)

My brother loves blog shout outs too......
Hiiiiiii Josh.

There were many things that to this day were so special to me about our wedding that I cherish. Memories that every bride carries with her & looks back on with great joy.
A few of our small moments & little touches that I really enjoyed.....

-Some of the flowers that I walked on up the aisle were dried rose petals from all the roses Trevor had given me while we were dating that I had saved.

- We took time during the service to pray privately together to commit our marriage in God. We ended those few precious moments by taking communion together. It was our outward acknowledgement that our lives together would begin & end loving the one true God.

- We stood FACING the crowd during the ceremony. Nobody likes staring at your back for a half an hour people! Come on! They want to see you up there nervous, chewing on your lower lip in complete awkwardness.......

- BOTH my Dad & Step-Dad gave me away.
This was very important to me as I love both of them greatly & both of them have given a great deal to me in my life.

- Immediately following the service we left the church for the reception hall so that we could do our receiving line as you walked inside the hall for dinner. That way as people came at their own pace from the church, we could be there to welcome them to our party:)

- We had a fake cake on display to our guests so that we could serve everyone several different types of our personal favorite..... cheesecake! Instead of serving traditional wedding cake..... mmmmmm cheesecake. We got a lot of compliments with that one.

-We did all of our photos ahead of time so that we could all get there & EAT!

 Nothing worse than being a wedding guest & having to wait HOURS before eating dinner. Sure taking pictures ahead of time meant that I would miss that big seeing his face light up when I walk down the aisle for the first time fantasy that every girl daydreams about. But we got to have our own private moment before the ceremony where he got to see my dress & I got to take in the hotness that is my husband in a tuxedo:) I loved this because it was an intimate & private moment....for just the two of us.

- We held our Father/Daughter Mother/Son dance at the same time so that our guests didn't have to wait through 10 songs of watching us dance before they could finally join us. And join us they did!

I mean sure. I put Trevor's ring on his right hand instead of his left during the ceremony.

And while doing one of his 'trademark' dance moves, Trevor somehow ended up kicking my poor mother in the stomach.

It rained off & on all day making outdoor wedding pics impossible. [The only reason they tell you rain on your wedding day is good luck is to keep the bride from becoming hysterical when she realizes she will never have any outdoor photos to one day show her grandchildren.]

And our first dance was to the country song "My Best Friend" even though I'm not the biggest country fan in the world.......

No wedding day is perfect.

Though I will always have precious memories of this beautiful day tucked away in the far corners of my heart, what I will treasure most about it was walking away towards real life with the man who now sits beside me at the breakfast table. Who holds my hand during movies. Who checks out scary noises in the middle of the night. Who works so hard & diligently for our family. Who still slow dances with me in the kitchen after a long day. Who picks fights with me when we're both tired & hungry. Who knows that I prefer wheat thins to Ritz crackers. Who puts up with my incessant picture taking. Who encourages me to write. Who tells me I'm beautiful when I am largely pregnant. Who finds the good in every discouraging day.

Trevor. I love you.
Then. Now. Always.
Happy Anniversary.

So tell me about your wedding.....
What did you love? What did you hate? What went wrong? What made the day most memorable?
Would love to hear about your day!