With a new move, comes plenty of new things to remember.
New neighbor to avoid.
New neighbor I want to get to know better.
New grocery store I can go to in yoga pants so I won't be judged.
New Chinese take out restaurant.
New shoe store.
Basically I'm busy storing all those important things in the back of my brain.
With a fresh start, also came a new phone number.
I cannot remember phone numbers. For some reason my brain refuses to acknowledge them.
Then when the lady at the shoe store asks you for your phone number for some sort of store discount, & you start searching your purse frantically for your cell phone explaining - "I have to look for it on my cell phone. Sorry! I just moved! I don't know it yet!" You feel a little foolish when she rolls her eyes & snaps her gum at you.
Clearly not knowing your phone number became improper etiquette at some point.
So this is something I am now working on remembering.
Since I was little, I would make up little games in my head to remember numbers in sequences.
Somewhere in the middle of my new phone number are the numbers 22 and 31.
I remembered the sequence as - "22 is almost like being 31."
As I explained this sequence to my friend as I gave her my new number recently - she laughed at me for a solid 30 seconds before coming up for air.
"MEGGAN! 31 is nothing like 22! Don't you remember those days?!"
But it took some solid research of spending time with every 20 year old I know to realize my friend was right. 31 is simply not listed in the same age box group for a reason.
As I listened to my new 20 something year old temp in my office talk about her labor day weekend plans, I realized just how un-22 I am.
Here's how you know you are longer 22:
- You no longer spend every weekend of the summer at a friend's wedding. You spend them at baby showers & soccer games.
- You spend more time analyzing your child's picture day form instead of what Taylor Swift wore to the VMA's.
How many school pictures does a person need? Does anyone still give school pictures to their relatives? I suppose my mom would want one. You mean kids still get those tiny pictures to hand out to their friends?! Do kids still do that?! Do kindergarteners do this?! Aren't they too young for that? There's just so much I don't know!
- You can admit when you don't know something. Or better yet - when you are wrong.
- You can actually have your first and last name on social media instead of using a fake name because there isn't any pictures of you at the bar you wouldn't want your boss seeing during random social media checks. It's more like pictures of you & your book club.
- You hardly want to get out of bed for any job making less than $20 per hour.
- Seeing a movie in the movie theater is something you do ..... well - never.
- Your back hurts from shopping. And that's sad.
- You start counting down how many years are left until you pay off your student loans.
- Food is selected & eaten by knowing how it will make you feel later on that day.
- You start seeing celebrities from your childhood appear in anti-aging products.
- Your life stops looking like an episode of "Friends" where your besties live in tiny apartments right next door & you all meet down at the local coffee shop. By now most of your friends have gigantic houses & live much too far away. And you have to do things like SCHEDULE time just to talk on the telephone.
- Bathing suit shopping is about as much fun as having your teeth drilled.
- "Kayne For President" slogans scare you more than they make you laugh.
- Tennis shoes are worn for things other than jogging.
- You work smarter - not harder.
- You see bread & pasta as the enemy.
- Talking on the phone to your bestie at 22 sounds kind of like:
"No WAY! Are you going to go out with him again?"
"Of course. He's totally hot. Should I wear the green dress or the blue one?"
"I'm not sure. Do you want me to come over & help you get ready?"
At 31, it sounds more like:
"What can I cook for my mother-in-law that will make her hate me less?"
"I would try pot roast - JEFFRY! STOP BITING YOUR BROTHER! - Or you could try a nice chicken salad. Burn those essential oils too for calming..... IF YOU KIDS DON'T STOP FIGHTING I WILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT! Shoot. I just burned my cookies. Let's talk next week. How's Thursday work? I can squeeze you in when I run to pick Suzie up from dance practice?"
- You know what jeans fit you in all the right places. You know how to dodge pushy sales people. You've sworn off stores that make you deaf or where you need a flashlight to see what you are buying. You buy quality over quantity. Your high heels are often purchased in the "Comfort Section" of the store. Next to your license, your Costco membership card is the most important item in your wallet.
- You spend more money on daycare than you do for your house payment.
- You now wake up at 4:30 a.m. for work instead of going to bed at 4:30 a.m.
- You live and die by your day planner.
- You stop taking "Family Pictures" with your dog. You stop referring to your dog as "your child."
- The only real friends you still talk to are the ones who've stuck by you through all the crap. And haven't stabbed you in the back or held your busy life against you. They are the ones who text you about good sushi places or let you in when their husbands slept last night on the couch. When you talk to them, it's as if no time has passed. You know them well because through the years as most relationships have faded, theirs is still the bond that you fight for most.
- A trip to Vegas is more likely to involve a Celine Dion concert & a trip to the wax museum than a wedding chapel & a night club.
- You've gotten at least one mom haircut or you own at least one pair of spanx.
- Instead of tanning at the beach, you bring a bottle of SPF 50, a bright umbrella, a good book, and a bag of floating toys. Your goal is to sit as far away from other people as humanly possible.
- You've watched babies grow up and buried people you loved dearly. You understand that no matter how dark the night, the morning is still coming.
- Your boss saying "You can work from home" sounds kind of like "You have won the lottery."
- You know how to accept loss. And how to celebrate even the smallest victory.
"Parker buckled his own car seat. VICTORY DANCE!"
- Tramp Stamps, facial piercings, and that one date you went on with a drummer in that one band are all filed under "Regrets."
- You take a multi-vitamin.
- You have retired the Pizza Pizzaz.
22 is a beautiful age.
Enjoy your youth [and your metabolism.]
Because life is worth celebrating at any age.
Until next time loves. XoXo.