But I've been walking around like a numb zombie for weeks now.
Not really feeling much of anything.
Sort of just going through the motions.
I'm guessing this has to something to do with a much too busy schedule & being sicker than I have been for a long time.
(I'm never sick. What the heck body?!)
I've heard some place worth noting that the body kicks into numb when it's trying to protect itself from overload. Whether it's overload or something else - I really haven't been able to put together quite yet.
This Fall season is also just the sad reminder for me of loss.
With the 11th year of my sister's passing come & gone, I'm not really sure how much this added to the emotion-less of things.
This time of year is so incredibly beautiful when you live in Minnesota.
It seems to be either a cruel irony that everything would turn so lovely when I felt anything but.
Or as though this time of year is like one of those beautiful send offs for someone so exquisite that God Himself would orchestrate such a heavenly surrounding of scenery.
I'm still trying to decide which of these it would be.
Perhaps it is the colder weather, the sickness, or this particularly dreadful season. Or it might not.
I've also heard some Full Moon theories? Or not.
It could be all of the undo pressure I've been putting on my own shoulders at work, not really sure of what to make of everyone just around my age moving to that next level while I seem to be staying so still. I cheer loudly for their success & mean it with everything I have within, but I cannot seem to motion forward. The funny thing is, no one seems to be putting this pressure on me except me - which is a problem when I cannot seem to understand why I lump myself into a group whose paths were never meant to be my paths.
It's like I understand cognitively all of this, but I cannot break free of this intense internal pressure to seemingly plateau.
It's rather strange & I'm quite annoyed with myself if I'm being perfectly honest.
I'm really unsure about what to do with all of this. Perhaps it's meant to be a push in a new direction.
Or maybe just the spur one needs to push on towards whatever satisfaction can be achieved within the 4 walls of my gray cubicle.
Nonetheless, I have drank the company Kool-Aid & believe whole heartedly in the CEO & mission of what it is I do everyday. Which is more than I can say for most people punching the time clock.
At the end of the day, I know that work is work.
It's not something that defines you, and yet we all want to be the people who wake up every single morning & have an unapologetic passion for what they do.
My Grandpa once said to me when I expressed my dissatisfaction with my first job at a restaurant that "Someone has to assemble the boxes at the cracker factory."
The real question then becomes - Who decides that one person gets to love what they do and one person has to assemble boxes at the cracker factory?
I'm not sure if the answer to this is really God, or if it's simply an intense desire to live life on your own terms, a sort of abandonment of stability, a profound sense of work ethic, and pure dumb luck.
Either way- I hope to be a person who always gets to live on the side of believing fully in what they do.
My first reaction was to roll my eyes, stand on the couch, and yell "OF COURSE NOT. DID YOU NOT SEE MY POST ABOUT WANTING TO PUNCH MYSELF IN THE FACE OVER SCHOOL SUPPLIES?!" #firstworldproblems
As I went home that night & several of the nights that followed, I started to reflect on my last year of posts. As I did, I developed a real yuck taste in my mouth. Had I really become one of those people?! The people who only post perfect happy picture memories? Had I really left out the genuine, no gimmicks, I-am-so-far-from-perfect-it's-gross-you-should-see-me-with-no-make-up-on-yelling-at-the-dog-and-the-kids-and-my-husband-after-burning-our-dinner-to-a-crisp-moments.
The only thing I could decide was that my Facebook & Twitter have gone to a more professional place as I have had more & more work colleagues request to be on my social media.
That being the case, I'm not so sure it's become appropriate for me to speak about things like acne facials (Youch) or who I want to vote for in the upcoming election. (No one. I hate everyone. Is this election over yet?!)
Yes I have opinions & yes my life is completely imperfect.
But there has to be a proper place, time, and setting for all of that.
And it's safe to say I'm moving away from Facebook or Twitter to express these things.
The best I can do is promise to post the imperfect pictures that truly paint the most genuine story.
Case & Point:
This is what life is like with a 5 year old little boy. #squirrel
Can we now please talk about E-books?
I recently downloaded one. And spent the entire time reading this book, wishing I had gotten the physical copy of it instead.
Since when am I so old school?!
But holy cow.
E-Books < Books
Maybe it's the feeling of having pages slip through my fingers.
Highlighters & pen in hand.
Making tiny notes in the margin.
Underlining sentences that cut through the crap & know me more intimately than almost anyone else in my life.
The smell of a new book fresh from the bookstore.
Or the equally intoxicating smell of an old book checked out from the library.
The ideas & thoughts of others.
Finding their way into my innermost being.
I love a good book.
The kind that you just don't want to end.
My secret best friend Jenny Simmons wrote that kind of book that just released days ago.
The book is all about how to find healing.
In big or small ways - within the movements of everyday life.
This book has something for everyone.
As everyone I know is walking a road where someone has hurt them, betrayed them, left them, or passed away.
These pages bring with them air for the lungs for when you just don't think you have it in you to breathe on your own. Or the kind of humor that makes you laugh between tears.
Jenny seemingly sits across from you, holding your hand, reminding you that of everything else you were made to do in this life, you were first Made Well.
"Where do you go to be made well? To breathe deeply, listen
for God’s voice, and know His peace? I used to think this could only happen with a Bible in hand, wrestling over Scripture verses, or on an exotic trip.
But now I know if my eyes are open, I experience peace that passes understanding in a myriad of places. Most of which I can experience in my own living room as my baby girl dances the night away. Or in my backyard as I watch the sun rise and fall each new day. Or on that one trail four minutes from my daughter’s school.
Sure, the ocean is great too. Miraculous transformations on exotic, far-flung journeys are dreamy. But most of life happens in my living room, where a thousand tiny moments cobbled together look like healing. It’s no quick fix. But I prefer slow dancing anyway." -Jenny Simmons, Made Well pg. 94
I loved this book - just like I love my friend Jenny.
And I am SOOOOO JAZZED to be giving away a few copies of her book "Made Well" on my blog!!
Entering is so ridiculously easy.
All you need to do is follow my blog on Facebook or be a follower on Google.
Enter Below. Good Luck to you Reader! I know you will LOVE this book.
a Rafflecopter giveaway